Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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