well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
