I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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