I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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