mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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