awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
