i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
