My first STD was from a foam party
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
