my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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