How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
