he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
