i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
