yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
