I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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