allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
this will be a night to untag.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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