Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
