fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
