that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
