When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
