you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
