At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
