This is not my ceiling
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
