tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
