and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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