i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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