There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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