Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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