You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
