so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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