My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
