Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
