In the future we'll all be gay
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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