I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
