i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
