Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
