my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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