we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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