I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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