some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
