Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
