I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
