Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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