This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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