I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No more Irish car bombs ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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