I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
