you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
