On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
