Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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