I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
