WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
