Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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