The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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