My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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