Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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