I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
