Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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