Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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