I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
