You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
