Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
