well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
