she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
