i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
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He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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