Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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