I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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